


My Heart's in Atrophy

by pcrrycox



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, JDox, JTurk, M/M, Platonic JTurk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 12:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8714140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcrrycox/pseuds/pcrrycox
Summary: When Perry receives a strange letter in the mail with evidence that JD is cheating on him, it will test everyone's relationships.





	

              Perry leafs through the mail he picked up on his way into the apartment building, not expecting much other than bills and the like.  He pauses when he sees an envelope addressed to him in handwriting that looks somehow familiar, though he can’t quite place it.  He tosses the other envelopes onto the table just inside the door before heading straight for the couch, eager to sit down after another long day.  He knows JD won’t be home for another few hours, so he plans to catch the game he recorded the previous night before anyone can spoil the score. 

              He grabs the letter opener and effortlessly opens the envelope, admittedly a little curious about its contents.  Instead of a letter like he’s expecting, there are pictures inside.  When he pulls them out and looks through them, his confusion suddenly turns to anger.  Hurt.  Betrayal.  Perry stares at the pictures until he feels sick.  He throws them facedown onto the coffee table and storms over to his liquor cabinet and grabs his best bottle of scotch.  He unscrews the cap and takes a drink, not bothering with a glass.  Of all the things to ruin them, this was the last thing he expected.

              By the time JD gets home after an overnight shift, all he wants to do is crawl into bed next to Perry and stay there forever.  Their schedules line up fairly often, so on the days where they _don’t_ work together, JD finds himself missing Perry even more than he’d care to admit, which is saying something.  He has a small smile on his face when he unlocks the door to the apartment, wondering if Perry will be waiting for him in the bedroom already.

              He’s a little surprised to see Perry sitting on the couch and even more surprised to see the bottle of scotch in his hand.  Perry doesn’t drink as much as he once did, and though he never actually came out and said it, JD is sure it has something to do with Perry wanting to be better for _him._ JD shrugs off his jacket and hangs it on the coat rack near the door before he heads over to the couch.

              “Something happen at work?” JD asks, curling up to Perry.

              Perry jerks away, a muscle in his jaw jumping.  JD stares up at him in surprise.  “Are you angry at me?” he asks in confusion.

              Perry snorts and takes another swig from the bottle, which is far closer to empty than it was when he first picked it up.  “Did you really think I’d never find out?” he asks bitterly, not even bothering to look at JD.

              “Find out?” JD asks slowly, his brows furrowed.  “Perry, what’s going on?”

              Perry gestures toward the photos on the coffee table and JD reaches for them uncertainly.  When he turns them over, his heart sinks.  “Shit,” he whispers.  “I was going to tell you, but…”

              “But you’d rather sneak around behind my back, is that it?” Perry asks flatly, staring at the floor.

              “Sneak around – Perry, what do you think these are?” JD asks, shocked.  He looks back down at the pictures of himself and Turk, wrapped around each other and kissing and smiling. 

              “Why don’t you tell me?”

              “These are from _med school_ ,” JD says seriously, setting the photos down.  “Turk and I dated for a while.”

              “Right, I’m sure that’s the story you two decided on when you jumped into bed together,” Perry spits, standing suddenly.

              “I’m not _cheating_ on you!” JD says in horror.  “I would never –”

              “Don’t fucking lie to me!” Perry shouts, looking far angrier than JD’s ever seen him, even before they got together.

              “I’m not!” JD says desperately.  “Perry, you have to believe me!”

              “Then why the hell did these pictures show up in the mail today?” Perry asks, slamming the bottle of scotch down on the table. 

              “I have no idea,” JD says defensively.  “You know I love you.  I never told you about Turk because it didn’t _matter_.  We’re better off as friends!”

              Perry laughs bitterly.  “Get the hell out of here,” he says in a detached voice.  “Now.”

              JD blinks, his eyes stinging with tears he knows he won’t be able to hold back.  “You can’t be serious,” he says in a shaking voice, still sitting on the couch.  “Perry, why won’t you believe me?”

              “Why the hell should I?” Perry asks incredulously.

              “Because I _love_ you!” JD practically sobs.  “And you love me!”

              Perry shakes his head.  “It’s funny,” he says quietly.  “I always thought I’d be the one to hurt you.”

              JD finally stands and walks over to Perry.  “Please,” he whispers, not even attempting to keep his tears from falling.  “I would never do something like this.  Please believe me.  I love you so much.”

              Perry grabs JD’s wrists, stopping JD from touching him.  “I told you to get out,” he says in a low voice.  “I’m not gonna say it again.”

              For the first time in his life, JD feels genuinely afraid of Perry.  Shaking and crying, he turns away from Perry, who releases his wrists immediately, and grabs his keys.  He doesn’t dare look back at Perry as he walks out the door, figuring it’ll only hurt him more.  He stops in the hallway, a hand on the door.  He jerks away when he hears Perry break a glass and he lets out a quiet sob before walking away.

 

              JD can’t seem to catch his breath as he drives to Turk’s apartment, hoping he’s home.  He feels like he’s lost part of himself, like he’ll never be whole again.  Perry was – and is – the most important person in his life.  He can’t imagine what it’s going to be like without him; just the thought of going to sleep alone tonight makes his heart shatter even more.  Just when he thinks he can get himself under control, a new wave of tears starts to flow. 

              By the time he knocks on Turk’s door, he feels like he could sink to the floor and stay there.  He’s sure he looks like a mess, and he got a few strange looks from people he passed on the way inside.  He can’t really bring himself to care.

              Turk opens the door after a few moments, but his usual smile quickly fades when he sees the state JD’s in.  “Dude, what happened?” he asks in confusion.

              JD shakes his head and steps forward, burying his face against Turk’s shoulder, sobbing even harder.  Like the good friend he is, Turk wraps his arms around JD and pulls him into the apartment.  He shuts the door and gently leads JD over to the couch.  Turk continues to hold him, rubbing his back. 

              “You want to tell me what’s wrong?” Turk asks after several minutes, his voice quiet, subdued.

              JD doesn’t answer until he cries himself out for the time being.  “He kicked me out,” he whispers, his voice hitching with a dry sob.

              “Why?”

              “He thinks I was cheating,” JD says weakly, leaning into Turk.  “With you.”

              “What?” Turk asks, shocked.  “Why would he think that?”

              “He got pictures in the mail today.  They were of us in med school.  You remember those ones we took?  We were kissing and smiling and… happy.”

              “But he thinks they’re from _now?_ ” Turk asks slowly.

              “I never told him about us,” JD says quietly, feeling guilty.  “He gets jealous so easy, I didn’t want to give him a reason to.  And it’s not like there’s anything between us anymore anyway.  It didn’t seem necessary.  I guess I should have.”

              “You didn’t do anything wrong,” Turk says firmly, looking down at JD.  “He should trust you more than this.  You would _never_ cheat on someone, dude.”

              JD sniffs.  “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without him, Turk,” he says in a small voice.  “I thought I was going to marry him someday.”

              “I know,” Turk sighs.  “Maybe he’ll come to his senses.  But until then, you’re more than welcome to have your old room back.”

              JD finds he has a few more tears left to shed and curls into a ball.  “What if he doesn’t?” he asks thickly.  “I don’t think I can live without him.”

              Turk is quiet for a long moment.  “I don’t know,” he says honestly.  “But listen to me.  You’re gonna be okay.  I know it doesn’t feel like it now, dude, but trust me.  You’ll get through this.”

              JD leans back into Turk, sniffling pathetically.  “I got your shirt all gross,” he mumbles, though he doesn’t really care.

              Turk manages a small smile.  “I’ve got more shirts.”

              “I only have one heart,” JD murmurs, not looking up at Turk.  “And it’s Perry’s.”

              Turk doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just holds JD as tightly as he can, hoping it helps.  He was always suspicious of Perry’s motives regarding JD, though as of late, Perry was growing on him.  He treated JD well and he could see just how much JD loved him.  Even he, of all people, thought they would make it.  But seeing how hurt JD is right now makes him furious.  If he knew that Perry wouldn’t bash his skull in, he’d go over there and give him a piece of his mind.  Instead, he knows he has to be here for JD, help him through this.

              “I think maybe you should take some time off,” Turk says after JD calms down again.

              JD nods.  “Will you call Kelso for me?”

              “Course I will,” Turk says quickly.  “Anything you need, okay?  Just ask.”

              “Thanks, Turk,” JD says softly, closing his eyes.  “For everything.”

              “You don’t have to thank me,” Turk says seriously.  “I’m your best friend.  You know I’d do anything for you.”

              “Yeah,” JD whispers, “I know.”

              Turk looks down at JD again.  “You sound tired,” he says gently.  “You wanna go to bed?”

              JD swallows hard.  “I never sleep without him,” he says sadly.

              Turk frowns.  He can only imagine how hard all this is for JD, to have his whole life uprooted suddenly without even doing anything wrong.  “Would it help if we slept in the same bed?” he offers.

              JD finally looks up at Turk, his eyes red and puffy and his cheeks tear-stained.  “You don’t have to do that,” he says, shaking his head.

              “JD, I’m just trying to help you,” Turk says genuinely.  “I told you, if there’s anything I can do to make this easier, I want to do it.”

              JD hesitates, but he nods after a while.  “Okay,” he allows.  “That might help.  I’m just gonna go get changed.”

              Turk nods, patting JD’s back once more before he gets up and walks into his room.  Turk pulls out his phone and dials the hospital’s number, putting in Kelso’s extension when prompted.

              “Dr. Robert Kelso, Chief of Medicine,” Kelso answers and Turk rolls his eyes at the fake tone in his voice.

              “Hi, Dr. Kelso,” Turk says, trying to sound as polite as possible.  “This is Dr. Turk.”

              There’s a momentary pause before Kelso replies.  “Ah, Turkleton,” he says gruffly.  “What do you want?”

              “Well, I’m calling to tell you that JD – er, Dr. Dorian – needs to take some time off,” Turk says awkwardly, unsure of how to go about calling in for someone else.  “He’d like to take a week of vacation, maybe more.”

              “And why isn’t Dr. Dorian calling me himself?”

              Turk hesitates.  “Uh, something’s come up in his personal life,” he says slowly.  “He’s not really able to talk at the moment, but he’s sorry that this is such short notice.”

              “Fine,” Kelso mutters.  “I’ll just let all the other doctors who will have to cover his shifts know that Dr. Dorian is _sorry._ ”

              Turk closes his eyes, knowing that’s the absolute last thing JD needs.  “Right,” he sighs.  “Thanks, Dr. Kelso.”  He hears Kelso hang up before he even finishes his sentence.  “Jackass,” he grumbles.

              A few moments later, JD walks back out into the living room in his pajamas, looking unapologetically pathetic.  “So, uh, where are we sleeping?” he asks.

              “Wherever you want,” Turk says with a shrug.  “I told Kelso you needed a week off.”

              “Thanks,” JD says, though he can’t quite get his tone to reflect how grateful he really is.  “My room’s good.”

              Turk stands and walks over to JD, putting an arm around him.  “Come on, you need some rest,” he says, leading him back into his room. 

              JD silently climbs into bed and pulls the covers up to his chin.  Turk, already in sweatpants and a t-shirt, gets in next to him.  He’s not sure what JD needs from him and he doesn’t want to be presumptuous.  “Night, JD,” he says quietly, turning off the light on JD’s bedside table.

              JD curls into Turk’s side, not trusting his voice.  He doesn’t say anything, but he’s sure Turk understands.  He isn’t quite cuddling with him, but there’s certainly not much space between them.  Turk ends up moving a protective arm over JD and rubs his back again.

              “Turk?” JD whispers some time later, unsure if Turk is already asleep.

              “Yeah?” he replies, not anywhere close to falling asleep.

              “Do you think I could have done something different?”

              “Dude, you didn’t even do anything wrong,” Turk says, his voice still quiet.

              “I know,” JD sighs.  “I just keep going through all these different scenarios, but all I can hear is him yelling at me.”

              Turk’s jaw tightens.  “I’m really sorry, man,” is all he can think to say.

              “I’ve never been afraid of him before,” JD whispers.  “Not even when we first started at the hospital.  But I was today.”

              “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Turk asks suddenly.  “Physically, I mean.”

              “No,” JD says quickly.  “No, he’d never do that, no matter how mad he was.  He just kind of… grabbed my wrists and his voice went all low and – and I was… scared.”

              “I should kick his ass,” Turk mutters, though the threat is half-hearted and JD knows it.

              “I appreciate the offer, but that’d be a bad idea.  I just… I have no idea how this is going to work when I go back.  We work together all the time and I can’t just pretend like nothing ever happened.”

              “I’ll tell you what,” Turk says seriously.  “Let’s just take this one day at a time.  One _hour_ if you have to.  Don’t even think about that stuff right now.”

              “Easier said than done,” JD points out.

              “Yeah, I know, but just try,” Turk tells him.  “Maybe it’ll seem more manageable that way.”

              “I guess,” JD agrees, settling back into the bed.  “I’m gonna try and sleep now.”

              Turk nods even though JD can’t see him.  “Me too.  You’ll feel better in the morning.”

              JD doubts that very much, but he closes his eyes and manages to fall asleep fairly quickly, though he suspects it’s because he’s exhausted from all the crying.

* * *

 

              JD wakes up mid-morning the next day with Turk still beside him.  For a second, he dares to hope that it was all a dream and that Perry will be lying next to him.    

              “Hey,” Turk says quietly, looking down at JD.  “How’d you sleep?”  Turk knows the answer – he heard JD sniffling and whimpering during the night, but pretended not to notice so JD wouldn’t apologize.

              JD can barely handle the feeling of dread that settles over him.  He doesn’t even have it in him to cry anymore.  Losing Perry really starts to sink in and he feels like he can hardly breathe.  He just shakes his head and turns on his side, away from Turk.

              Turk sighs and cautiously pats JD’s shoulder.  “I should get ready for work,” he says regretfully.  “Promise you’ll call if you need anything?”  JD nods.  “Or if you just need to talk?”  He nods again.  Turk watches JD worriedly for a few more moments before getting up and heading to his room.

              JD wonders if he’ll ever feel whole again.  He never even thought to imagine his life without Perry – they worked so well together even though no one thought they would.  After over half a year, JD could safely say he was happier than he’d ever been.  And now…

              Everything had happened so quickly.  And he knows Perry, perhaps better than he knows himself, so any attempts to make Perry understand would be useless.  Once Perry made a decision, it would be quite the feat to convince him to change his mind.  And right now, JD doesn’t have it in him.

              JD lost track of time, but soon enough, Turk sticks his head back into JD’s room.  “I’m heading out.  You need anything?”

              “Don’t tell anyone,” JD says in a hoarse voice. “And don’t talk to him.”

              “You got it,” Turk promises.  “Please call me if you need anything.”

              JD nods, still staring at the wall.  He plans on staying that way for as long as possible.

* * *

 

              Several hours later, JD decides to check his phone, hoping it will offer a distraction from his thoughts.  He has a text from Carla, wondering where he is and that Turk is acting weird today, but he’s not prepared to see for the picture he has set as his wallpaper.  He remembers just as he unlocks his phone and bursts into tears.  He throws his phone onto the floor and buries his face in his pillow, wishing for some sort of relief from the weight on his chest. 

              The picture was taken a month before, when they took a weekend trip to the coast.  Perry had his arms wrapped around JD from behind and JD had pulled his phone out to take a picture of them despite Perry’s aversion such activities.  He surprised JD by kissing his cheek at the last second and the picture resulted in him smiling widely, looking happier than ever with Perry’s arms around him.  It had been one of his favorite memories they’d made together.

              All it makes him feel now is _worse._

* * *

 

A week passes, and JD spends the vast majority of it in bed.  Turk tries his best to lure him out with promises of his favorite foods, TV shows, and movies, but he has little luck.  He keeps his end of the bargain, though, and doesn’t breathe a word about what happened to anyone.  He ignores Perry completely, knowing that if he says anything to him, he won’t be able to keep his mouth shut.  It kills him to see JD like this, but he knows what JD needs is time and he’s determined to be the best friend he can possibly be if it’ll help.

              Perry, for his part, spent his time working double shifts.  When he did go home, he collapsed on the couch and had a few too many glasses of scotch.  He hadn’t slept in their bed once.  The betrayal, the hurt, he felt, knowing that somehow he hadn’t been enough for JD was slowly eating away at him. 

              One week after everything had happened, Perry is making notes on a patient’s chart at the nurse’s station when Carla walks up to him, looking frustrated.

              “All right, are you gonna tell me what’s going on?” she asks expectantly.  “I _know_ something’s up with you and JD and somehow Turk is involved.  So spill.”

              Perry watches Carla, debating whether or not to tell her.  Truthfully, he’d never planned on telling _anyone,_ but it was harder than he expected, dealing with it on his own.  Admitting that to himself was one thing, but to someone else? 

              He sighs and pulls a picture from his pocket.  He isn’t even sure why he keeps it with him.  Maybe because the temptation to run back to JD is too great or because he doesn’t want to forget just how _angry_ he is and how pointless relationships are because they all inevitably end.

              “This,” he mutters, sliding the picture across the counter for Carla to see.  “This is what’s going on.”

              Carla looks puzzled as she studies the picture.  “What?” she asks in confusion.  “You’re pissed because they dated in med school?”

              Perry’s eyes suddenly go dark and he snatches the picture back from Carla.  “You know, I’ve always counted on you to tell me like it is, to tell me the _truth_.  But covering for them?  I expected a hell of a lot better from you.”

              Carla looks shocked, but Perry walks away before she can say anything.  He storms down the hall without any real idea of where he’s going when he spots Jordan.  He groans internally, so not in the mood for a conversation with the she-beast.  Of course, as luck would have it, she sees him and starts sauntering toward him.

              He and Jordan had never got on very well, even when they were together. And when things had ended… their relationship had gotten even worse.  It may have had something to do with, Perry suspected, him leaving Jordan because he’d fallen in love with JD.  But it wasn’t like he’d ever cheated on her.  Yes, he’d thought about it, but even if they weren’t really in love anymore, Perry would never have done that to her.

              “Hey, Per,” Jordan purrs as she walks up to him, her usual smirk on her face.

              “Attila,” Perry says in acknowledgement, brushing his nose and crossing his arms.  “To what do I owe the horror?”

              “Monthly board meeting,” Jordan explains.  “But really, I wanted to see if you enjoyed my letter.”

              “Your letter?” Perry asks slowly.

              Jordan nods, her smirk growing. 

              Perry suddenly realizes to what Jordan is referring and the photograph in his pocket feels much heavier.  “You… that was from _you_?”

              “I’m surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner,” Jordan muses.  “Then again, I guess I’m not.  It is _you_ after all.”

              Perry opens and closes his mouth, realizing that JD had been telling the truth all along.  “Go to hell,” he mutters, turning on his heel and heading straight for the parking lot.  He can only imagine what JD’s been going through during the past week, and it’s all his fault.  He should have just believed him from the start, at least given him the benefit of the doubt.  Now all he can do is hope that JD will find a way to forgive him.

              JD hears frantic knocking on the front door a few hours after he wakes up.  He lies in bed for a few minutes, hoping whoever it is will just go away, but the knocking only gets louder.  JD sighs and forces himself out of bed and drags his feet as he walks to the front door.

              Perry can’t control the breath he sucks in when he sees JD as he opens the door.  He’s never seen him look so horrible, so… empty.  “JD,” he says quickly. “I –”

              JD cuts him off by slamming the door in his face.  He had wondered if seeing Perry would make things easier or not, but all it really does is make him sick to his stomach.  He doesn’t know what Perry has to say, and he can’t really bring himself to care.  He locks the door and walks robotically back to his room.

              “Fine!” Perry shouts through the door.  “But I’m not leaving until you talk to me!”

              JD ignores Perry and pulls the covers over his head and tries to fall asleep.  Hours later, when Turk gets home, he finds Perry sitting on the floor outside the door, asleep.  He rolls his eyes and steps over him and walks inside. 

              “Hey, JD?” Turk asks, poking his head into JD’s room.  “You know Perry’s out there?”

              “I know,” JD says quietly, not having been able to fall asleep.  “I slammed the door in his face.”

              Turk chuckles.  “Good for you,” he says genuinely. 

              “I don’t even know what he wants,” JD sighs, sounding exhausted.

              “Do you want to find out?” Turk asks.  “If you don’t, I’ll tell him to get the hell out of here.”

              JD pauses for a brief moment before sliding out of bed.  “I’ll do it myself,” he tells Turk, brushing past him.  He walks out into the hallway and sinks down next to Perry.  He keeps a little distance between them and doesn’t really look at him.  A few minutes later, Perry stirs and finally wakes up. 

              “JD, I’m so sorry,” Perry says as soon as he realizes he’s there.  “Please, you have to believe me.”

              JD looks up at Perry, aware of how miserable he looks.  “I know,” is all he says.

              “I – I had no idea,” Perry continues.  “I should have believed you.”

              JD looks back down at the floor, hugging his knees to his chest.  “I know,” he repeats.  He knows he’ll take Perry back, but he also knows that things won’t be the same.  That knowledge scares him.

             


End file.
